Hope and Change (No, this has nothing to do with President Obama).

No one can prepare you for life as a parent. As I've been introspectively weighing this truth, I've made a list (by no means exhaustive) of ways in which life has changed over the last 10 weeks.

• Burp cloths abound in every room. You are guaranteed to find one on both end tables in our living room at any given time, plus one on our bed.
  
• I've acquired a keen sense of hearing in lieu of the baby monitor. Due to my ability to hear Eli's shrieks without the use of the monitor, I've found that I enjoy life much more without seeing the red lights illuminate at every whimper from upstairs.
• I've learned how to fold baby clothes in a relatively space-efficient way.
• One of life's greatest highlights is to put my pajamas on after we put Eli down between 7-8.
  
• I sway when I stand. Even when I'm sans-Eli.
  
• 8 straight hours of sleep? What is that?
  
• 7 straight hours of sleep? What is that?
• I miss Eli once I put him down for a nap. But not enough to go wake him up.
  
• I now know what the following abbreviations stand for:
  CIO, STTN, DF, BW, PDF (and not the type of computer file), etc.
  
• I haven't watched a full episode of A Baby Story since Eli's birth. Not because I don't want to relive that day, but because I've already lived it (does that make sense?)
• I've discovered that my son is a lot like me in the following ways: he loves to have his arm scratched (or so his daddy tells me) and he loves baths.
  
• And last but not least, I wouldn't trade this for the world.
  

Martin Luther and Changing Diapers...

If I thought I had little time before becoming a mommy, I was grossly misled. Not, of course, because I am constantly tending to Eli's needs which include feeding every three hours, changing his diapers (which appear to be getting somewhat tight--he is still in size 1), and ensuring that he gets his sleep. I am doing each of those things, but even more than these, I am savoring his presence in our home. I delight in seeing him smile at me after he's eaten and he's laying on my lap. I (somewhat foolishly) feel huge sighs of relief when he has just taken a quality nap because I know he needs it. I love watching him stare intently at an object in the most all-consuming way--as if it's the COOLEST thing he's ever seen. Unfortunately, he's developed an interest in the television, which is quite unfortunate as I assumed it would at least be a few more months until we had to limit our tv time.

Michael and I have been listening to a myriad of sermons from Doug Wilson on parenting, marriage, and the covenant home, and I can speak for both of us in saying we have been greatly enriched by Wilson's wisdom. I was reminded in a sermon about the differences in men and women that in whatever task you are undertaking, you are to do it to the glory of God--even changing diapers, as Luther stated. Having never heard of Luther discussing diapers, I came home and attempted to find the quote in question. I've read and re-read the following excerpt many times and have been immensely blessed after each reading.

Our culture is teaching us to view parenting as a hindrance to our pursuit of happiness, that it's a crap shoot in terms of how our children will turn out, that our children will grow to think we're know-nothings. But Scripture speaks in bold, confident language as it teaches us how to raise our children. There are promises kept to parents who have faith in those promises and abide by them, and I take great respite in knowing that my work now, as a mother to a 10 week old, is eternal work: a "golden and noble work," as Luther puts it.

As Eli continues to grow, our prayer as a family is that our home would be a place of affection, peace, and joy. Even when Eli is receiving his 10th spanking for repeating the same offense. Boy, how I look forward to those days!

Now observe that when that clever harlot, our natural reason (which the pagans followed in trying to be most clever), takes a look at married life, she turns up her nose and says, “Alas, must I rock the baby, wash its diapers, make its bed, smell its stench, stay up nights with it, take care of it when it cries, heal its rashes and sores, and on top of that care for my wife, provide for her, labour at my trade, take care of this and take care of that, do this and do that, endure this and endure that, and whatever else of bitterness and drudgery married life involves? What, should I make such a prisoner of myself? 0 you poor, wretched fellow, have you taken a wife? Fie, fie upon such wretchedness and bitterness! It is better to remain free and lead a peaceful. carefree life; I will become a priest or a nun and compel my children to do likewise.”

What then does Christian faith say to this? It opens its eyes, looks upon all these insignificant, distasteful, and despised duties in the Spirit, and is aware that they are all adorned with divine approval as with the costliest gold and jewels. It says, “0 God, because I am certain that thou hast created me as a man and hast from my body begotten this child, I also know for a certainty that it meets with thy perfect pleasure. I confess to thee that I am not worthy to rock the little babe or wash its diapers. or to be entrusted with the care of the child and its mother. How is it that I, without any merit, have come to this distinction of being certain that I am serving thy creature and thy most precious will? 0 how gladly will I do so, though the duties should be even more insignificant and despised. Neither frost nor heat, neither drudgery nor labour, will distress or dissuade me, for I am certain that it is thus pleasing in thy sight.”

A wife too should regard her duties in the same light, as she suckles the child, rocks and bathes it, and cares for it in other ways; and as she busies herself with other duties and renders help and obedience to her husband. These are truly golden and noble works. . . .

Now you tell me, when a father goes ahead and washes diapers or performs some other mean task for his child, and someone ridicules him as an effeminate fool, though that father is acting in the spirit just described and in Christian faith, my dear fellow you tell me, which of the two is most keenly ridiculing the other? God, with all his angels and creatures, is smiling, not because that father is washing diapers, but because he is doing so in Christian faith. Those who sneer at him and see only the task but not the faith are ridiculing God with all his creatures, as the biggest fool on earth. Indeed, they are only ridiculing themselves; with all their cleverness they are nothing but devil’s fools.

- Martin Luther, “The Estate of Marriage”

I've been a mommy for one month!

Cousin tummy time! :)

Eli turned one month old yesterday! While sometimes I feel like the last 4 weeks have flown by, there are times when I feel like he should be much older. I think it’s because the 3 days we spent in the hospital seem, in my mind, to have occupied much more time than they actually did. In fact, I’m ashamed to say that 3 days after he was released from the hospital, I told a lady at the grocery store that he was 2 weeks when he was actually only one. I blame that on the lack of sleep and the hormones.

Eli has been such a blessing to us. Our nights thus far have been *relatively* easy as he’s been feeding at 11:30, between 3 -4, and then again between 6-7. I say this with much hesitation as I’m afraid he might hear me and begin waking every hour just to spite his mommy. He’s a content boy who will sit on our laps and stare wide eyed, with lips pursed, and take it all in. He’s starting to become much more aware than even a week ago, and while he hasn’t looked at us and smiled alertly, he smiles in his sleep often and while they may not be real smiles, it’s enough to make me forget that I haven’t had 8 straight hours of sleep since November 6^th (now THAT’S sobering!)

At his one month checkup today, Eli weighed 9lbs 11oz and measured 21 ¼ inches. I often pondered what the big deal was when new mommies bragged.announced.worried about their babies’ weight after each doctor’s appointment. I can totally relate now! I was *so* looking forward to this appointment to see what he weighed, probably in large part because I wanted confirmation that he was getting enough food. After dropping to 6 lbs 9oz on the Thursday after he was born, I am so excited to know he’s growing well. What a blessing.

Life has changed so much since Eli came along but Michael and I are soaking it all in and still look at Eli in awe—he’s a combination of me and Michael (although more Michael than me, evidently), and God has entrusted his little soul to us. We pray for him every day and look forward to each new development in his growth. Until next time!

Eli is here!

The following journal is more for me than anyone. As November 8th gets farther and farther away, I wanted to record as much as I can remember--for the sake of our family! Read on if you'd like. :-)

Friday, November 5: Went to school and felt okay… I vacuumed my classroom, secretly hoping that all the physical exertion might get things going. I came home and Michael and decided to get Chinese food, run to the mall, and head to Target to exchange a few things and purchase some items for baby. During dinner I was having contractions that were so far apart there was no pattern, They were painful when I had them but of course I thought nothing of it other than worry that I could be experiencing these contractions for weeks potentially. We came home and went to bed. Contractions didn’t keep me up.

Saturday, November 6: I resolved to make our bathroom floor impeccable by scrubbing, on hands and knees, and hoping that might also get things going. This was, obviously, quite the challenge considering my size. BUT I did it--and two weeks later, it needs to be scrubbed again. Somehow, this time around I lack the motivation to do it. I felt fine all day and mom and dad came over for dinner. We played a game of Spades which, on the list of the most enjoyable card games, ranks pretty low. I felt uncomfortable all night, especially when my contractions came—however infrequently. Went to bed and again, contractions didn’t keep me up.

Sunday, November 7: We woke up and headed to Uptown Christ Covenant to see Claire’s baptism. On the way and during the service, Michael and I timed my contractions as they were becoming more and more uncomfortable. They continued to be as far apart as 15 minutes with some coming more frequently. As I had a contraction, Michael would chart the time. I remember it being difficult to concentrate during church (for obvious reasons). We went to Rachel and Eric’s house for lunch. Eric’s family was also there and I didn’t do much of anything except sit around. By this time the contractions had begun to wrap around to my lower back but I still didn’t think much of them because they weren’t close together. We came home on Sunday evening and I did a few things in the way of preparing for school the next day. We began timing my contractions again when we went to bed around 9 and many of them were 4-5 minutes apart. Michael began questioning whether or not we should go to the hospital and I resisted. We tried to go to sleep around 10 and for about an hour, my contractions were waking me up every 10 minutes. At 11 I finally called my mom and asked for her advice. She, like Michael, agreed that we should go to the hospital. I reluctantly agreed and we packed our things. Little did we know with what finality we would be leaving our house. I packed with the knowledge that we would probably be sent home again, but also hoping that wouldn’t be the case. We arrived at Northeast Triage around 11:30, registered and walked back to the triage room. The nurse hooked me up to the fetal monitor and asked us a series of questions. Meanwhile, my contractions didn’t feel too intense and I began to wonder whether I had just psyched myself out! As the nurse was leaving, she commented that my contractions were 1-3 minutes apart. Of course I was floored since I was only feeling pain every 10-15 minutes. The doctor on call was busy so the nurse checked me and said I was 4 cm and that I would be admitted. This was perhaps the most surreal of all feelings, knowing that we were there for good. When we left, we would have a son. We waited for about 45 minutes until a room became available. Meanwhile, my contractions were becoming more and more painful and within 20 minutes, the anesthesiologist arrived to administer my epidural. I remember shaking with nerves and coming to grips with the fact that this was actually happening. In reality, the epidural wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be—only stinging from the local anesthetic and a lot of pressure.

Monday, November 8: My contractions slowed once I had the epidural so at 4 or 5am, Dr. Panner broke my water and started me on pitocin. Lydia and Karl came in the dead of night to sit with us—I will never forget it! At around 8:30, Dr. Barefoot arrived to check on my progress. MUCH to my surprise, he said I was at 10 cm and ready to push. Once all the preparations had been made, I started pushing (around 9am), and by 10:30 we had a son!

The epidural was completely effective, and thankfully it began to wear off enough towards the end that I was able to feel mild cramping when a contraction came, which signaled to me that it was time to push. Michael was the most incredible coach. When Eli was born, I can’t even begin to describe the overwhelming flood of emotions that I felt. Awe, wonder, love, and relief when he immediately began screaming…We were so thankful that he was healthy and that we *finally* got to meet him. He was 7lbs 7oz and 20 ½ inches long and absolutely beautiful. This entire day continues to be a sort of blur since we had gotten no sleep the night before in anticipation of meeting Elijah. We were moved up to a recovery room and had visitors all throughout the day. It all seemed like a huge whirlwind since we had not really expected him to be here until Thanksgiving.

On Wednesday morning, our nurse commented that she had noticed a bit of jaundice so they had decided to draw his blood to test his bilirubin levels (note: bilirubin is now a curse word in our house. I will enforce this.) His levels came back at 11, which the pediatrician thought was a bit high but decided to send us home and return to the office on Thursday to follow up. We were released and arrived home around 5. Exhausted, we spent the first night getting used to Eli’s presence in the house. He slept in a bassinet in our bedroom while we got little sleep.

On Thursday we saw the pediatrician and Eli weighed 6lbs 9oz. At that point, Dr. Samuel encouraged us to begin supplementing his feedings with formula until he gained back his birth weight. She also said they would call us with his newest bili levels. We came home, confident that his levels would be lower and we would just need to follow up in a few days. She called back around 3pm and told us his levels were at 19, which meant they would need to readmit him to the hospital to put him under the phototherapy lights until his levels were normal. Of course I was devastated and continued to be until Saturday when they released him.

These three days were by far the most difficult three days I’ve ever had to experience. Little Eli had to lay under the lights in nothing but a diaper and protective eyewear which proved to be quite a nuisance for both him and us. He screamed bloody murder the first day, we constantly checked his blinders to make sure they were secured. After Eli broke one pair of his blinders, the nurses had to create their own set of eyewear that would hopefully stay put. Every 6 hours, the nurses pricked his little heel to check his levels. They crept down at a snail’s pace and when we thought we’d leave on Friday, his levels were still too high. On Saturday morning at 2am, his levels were low enough to remove him from the lights and monitor him to ensure that he didn’t rebound. Six hours later they checked him again and his bili levels had gone up from 12.2 to 14.6. Dr. Smith (pediatrician at the hospital) told us they would check him again at 2pm and if his levels were 14.6 or below, they would release us. Again, the next six hours crept by and finally the nurse came to tell us his levels were in the 13’s. YAY! We were released (for the second time) and began settling in at home (for the second time).

The Lord surely sustained us during this time. Recalling those three days is almost nightmarish for me as we could do nothing to help him get better. His little body had to dispel the jaundice on its own and nothing we did could help. Again, Michael was an incredible source of strength for me—I feel a bit like I learned a new way to love him during this whole experience.

We’ve been back to the doctor since Eli’s birth and his levels are low enough that we don’t have to go back until his one month checkup. We’re loving his presence in the house and learning to adapt to this whole new lifestyle of parenting. Nursing has been going well, too, which was a source of concern for me when we were told to give him exclusively formula while he was under the bili lights. Once we came home I was allowed to begin nursing again, and it’s been wonderful. He’s a sweet, sweet boy and God has been abundantly good to us. Two weeks into this whole thing, I’ve already begun to forget the whole pregnancy—not that I want to do it again any time soon! We’re thankful for the prayers, the meals, the gifts, and the love that so many of you have poured out on us. Thank you!

36 weeks!

How far along? 36 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: shockingly, no weight gain this week. :-) Hopefully he's gaining while I'm losing!
Maternity clothes? yes. sufficiently tired of them.
Stretch marks? Nope, thankfully!
Sleep: EEEEK. Still no sleep!
Best moment this week: Well, at week 35 the best moment was when Dr. Brandner told me there's no way I'll last until my due date. I was 1 cm dilated and baby's head is definitely low. Then week 36 came and Dr. Barefoot was far less promising... so you can guess which doctor I currently prefer. :)
Movement: yes but he is definitely finding that he is less room these days
Food cravings: none to speak of...
Gender: BOY. Yay!
Name: Elijah.... and his middle name is Dutch after my grandfather.
Labor Signs: 1 cm. 50 % effaced, head is low (not sure what the official number is in terms of stations)
Belly Button in or out? flat. neither in or out?
What I miss: shaving my legs with ease!
Milestones: Weeks 36-37 are considered "full-term." It's wonderful to know that he would be healthy and safe if I had him now. We do want him to get a bit fatter before he comes, though!

34 weeks!

Yesterday Tara, my experienced photographer friend that I've known since middle school, came over to the house to do maternity portraits, one of which she allowed me to post on my blog! We had a lot of fun, especially the part where I squeezed into my pre-partum jeans and nearly fainted from being short of breath... consider that to be one thing I miss: breathing! :-)


How far along? 34 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: a lot, considering that he weighs about the amount of a cantaloupe!
Maternity clothes? yes, and fortunately my dear friend Lydia supplied me with a few items that will prevent me from spending money unnecessarily on clothes that I never want to wear again!
Stretch marks? No stretch marks.
Sleep: Napping is becoming a much more desirable pastime than in the 2nd trimester.
Best moment this week: Since I'm covering two weeks, the best moment was traveling to Savannah for a mini-moon over the weekend. Well, the traveling part wasn't ideal, but spending a weekend away with my husband was much needed, and we enjoyed being there and walking around the beautiful city together. The highlight was stopping for afternoon tea on Saturday at The Tea Room. We enjoyed hot tea (a pot for each of us), scones, and clotted cream--all reminiscent of the time we spent in London!
Movement: yep; sometimes it's uncomfortable but usually I find it relieving to feel him move
Food cravings: Now that my stomach capacity is beginning to dwindle, I'm finding less and less that sounds appetizing.
Gender: BOY. Yay!
Name: Elijah.... and his middle name is Dutch after my grandfather.
Labor Signs: No, just lots of Braxton Hicks--another one of God's ways to prepare us for childbirth!
Belly Button in or out? IN but shrinking!
What I miss: The ability to see my feet.
Milestones: We began a Prepared Childbirth Class at Northeast Hospital 2 weeks ago--while my attendance has been perfect, Michael was out of town last week and missed week 2, which consequently centered on breathing techniques. I dragged Rebecca to the class, so there's a chance she might become my breathing coach if that becomes necessary (READ: if by some freak chance an epidural is not available). I've already learned a lot and kind of look forward to the remaining three weeks of the class!

32 weeks!

How far along? 32 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: 21 pounds. Should I be sharing this?
Maternity clothes? yep... no going back now!
Stretch marks? No stretch marks.
Sleep: Given that my sister (who has a 3 week old) is currently getting much less sleep than I am, I cannot complain.
Best moment this week: My sweet college friends Carrie and Ginny threw baby Elijah an exquisite shower, complete with *make your own cupcakes* and a time of expressing prayers and wishes for me and Michael as we begin parenthood. Each guest was so thoughtful and I felt overwhelmed at the support I was given. Thank you, all, for making my first baby shower so unforgettable.
Movement: yes... most noticeably on my right side. His feet must be aimed towards the right side of my tummy.
Food cravings: Umm.. doughnuts? Candy corn? Cookies? Oh, and everything healthy, too.
Gender: BOY. Yay!
Name: Elijah.... and his middle name is Dutch after my grandfather.
Labor Signs: No, thankfully.
Belly Button in or out? IN but shrinking!
What I miss: Enjoying a glass of Chianti with dinner.
Milestones: Apparently he is now the weight of a jicama--that's a vegetable, in case you didn't know. The brilliant people at Babycenter couldn't describe his weight in terms of gallons of ice cream or bottles of soda. Now THAT would help with visualization.