This is the best I could do with the sentimental "Let's get our son to wear a Big Brother shirt and look all excited that he's going to be a big brother!"
Let's face it--boys are difficult subjects for photographs, which is why I thank my lucky stars for talented photography friends like Tara Molles. It's like there's a jumping bean inside his little body that's hostile to both looking at and smiling for the camera. But I did my best. Speaking of little beans inside bodies, it's true--Lord willing, Eli IS going to be a big brother on or around March 8. He seems pretty stoked, if you disregard the protest that comes after I ask him, "Guess what's in mommy's tummy?" But I'm going to give it time and hope he'll warm up to the idea, especially since his warming up to the idea matters very little in the grand scheme of things.
And also speaking of hostility, that's a fitting word for the past 13 weeks in regards to the toll our little bean is having on me--the Lord must know I need particular reminders that while children are the greatest of life's blessings, childbirth (and the plethora of joys that accompany it) is a result of the curse. Otherwise I might shout from the hilltops how glorious and energizing and FUN this is. I could enumerate some of the ways in which that's true, but the fact that I've gone without blogging all summer or even feeling the urge to type one word should suffice. There is a great degree of sarcasm in all this, but truthfully we are grateful that God would see fit to make us parents again. All the puking, heartburn, fatigue, and psychotic dreams? I'll forget about it.
I have often wished that God had designated an entire book of the Bible for pregnant women, full of wise council about how to survive during these tumultuous months that test the mettle of anyone, especially Christian women. How do I show grace to others when I feel so rotten? How do I feed my child when the idea of any food could send me straight to the bathroom in a fit of nausea? How do I reconcile how physically awful I feel with the spiritual blessings of a child?
In short, I think there'd be one verse peppered somewhere throughout that would first say,"Laugh about it. Find the humor in the situation." Then it might say, "Get over it. Millions of people are worse off than you." And when I'm being pitiful, I forget that the Word of God is sufficient as is. There is no verse about how to act when you're pregnant, but there are plenty of passages that instruct us how to act all the time, no matter what our physical state. I'm no more exempt from obeying God's law than a homeless man dying of starvation. We pregnant women are in a delicate state in all kinds of ways, but since when does that exempt us from obedience? Pregnant women need still be gracious, and thoughtful, and patient. But we should also be that much more aware of how gracious, thoughtful, and patient God is with us when we fail--and I have failed miserably in the past 13 weeks. We should be reminded of how good God has been to us, and consequently how good we ought to be to those we live with. It is a looking outward that He's after, not a morbid introspection of our own feelings and woes. If nothing else, I have felt pushed to the limit, dragged to a place where I am no longer dependent on my own ability or strength. God is faithful to His people and has provided plenty glimpses of mercy to me in my most desperate moments.
We welcome our March (perhaps February) baby and pray often for his/her health and safety. We also hope he/she will share his/her brother's love for the movie Cars, because I'm not sure we'll be able to convince Eli to watch anything else for a while. But that's for a different blog post altogether!
This picture is from our first doctor's appointment. No doctor pic, just Eli and Michael passing the time while we waited..
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